#I feel like they have taken something from me lol
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polaris-likethestar · 23 hours ago
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umm theres a few but thats so true by gracie abrams
not super into it anymore and the last season wasnt great but the umbrella academy brings me really good memories of when i first got into the show
probably writing, i dont do it often but when i get an idea its so much fun
when i feel like im in a sort of movie montage you see when the characters are all having a blast at the end
for me the best self care is finding a good, chapter book/fanfiction and sitting down and giving myself time to read it
probably something candy related or sugary
my friend group from camp last summer
probably the feeling of my favorite stuffed rabbit
maybe going to six flags with my friends
just a few days ago i was watching this show the derry girls, that was so funny i was laughing the whole way through
like i mentioned before, my stuffed rabbit
weirdly, fanfiction even if its the most intense or tragic story it has my comfort characters in it
sadly, havent taken a bath in a while but showers are pretty relaxing for me
graduating from the school im at now (its not until june sadly but i cant wait)
call me basic but pizza, but from specific places
well im writing a chapter fanfic now, im used to doing oneshots but im hoping to finish this longer one soon
when people remember specific things about me and take extra care in me and my interests even if they dont like it
possibly somewhere in my twenties, i cant explain it but it just feels right for me
cant think off the top of my mind but i do remember receiving an anonymous christmas card some years back and my friends all thought it was some sort of confession (it most likely wasnt but it was funny back then)
at the end of fifth grade one of my classmates threw an end of the year party, that has to be one of my best days ever
coffee all the way
that one hyperfixation that will always hyperfixate
yes i have
not sure at the moment to be honest, i have a few pretty close friends however
umm maybe a dark red or a violet
i would love to live in soho in nyc, not sure with who though, most likely one of the friends i mentioned before
no lol i think nature and flowers are beautiful but i dont really participate in gardening
not sure honestly
sometimes, but ill admit, im closed off and selfish as well
umm reading, writing, singing, listening to music, etc
✨soft asks✨
What song makes you feel better?
What is your go to comfort show?
Reading or writing? Why?
Whats your favorite feeling?
How do you like to take care of yourself?
What’s your favorite candle scent?
Who do you feel most like yourself around?
Whats a fabric/texture that’s nostalgic for you?
Best childhood moment?
When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? (or just felt really good afterwards)
Do you have a comfort item? Tell us about it!
What calms you down?
Bath or shower to relax?
Whats something upcoming that you’re excited for?
Comfort food?
What’s something you want to create soon?
How do you feel best loved?
What age in life do you think you’ll feel most yourself at?
Have you ever written or received a love letter?
Tell us about a memory you hold close to your heart.
Tea, Coffee, or hot cocoa?
Name of your favorite playlist?
Have you ever received flowers?
Who is your bestfriend?
If your soul was a color, what would it be?
If you could live anywhere with anyone you want, where would it be and who would you bring?
Do you like to garden? Have you ever grown something?
What are you proudest of?
Are you a kind person?
What do your hobbies look like?
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aihoshiino · 13 hours ago
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chapter 166 thoughts
As of chapter 166, Oshi no Ko has finished a roughly four-and-a-half year run started back in 2020. While there's some speculation about an epilogue or some extra content in volume 16 when it drops, this is where the main story ends. And you know what that means!!!
OSHI NO KO HAS OFFICIALLY ENDED WITHOUT ADDRESSING OR ACKNOWLEDGING THE FACT THAT RUBY KISSED HER BROTHER IN CHAPTER 143
please understand that this is FUCKING BOGUS
I'll probably do a longer post on this subject specifically, but my main critique of 143 when the chapter dropped was that while I liked the individual beats in it and I was really glad to see Akasaka finally addressing this tension bubbling underneath Aqua and Ruby's relationship, the immediate swerve away from showing us the aftermath of that kiss felt to me like an admission that the story was going to needlessly draw this out even more. Now that the story has ended and we can see that moment had literally no impact on the plot or even the character dynamics, I'd like to revise that statement - it feels like an admission of compromise. It feels like crumbs thrown to AquRuby fans to tempt them to keep reading and to stir up the waters of the ship wars, so people would keep reading and stay invested in the manga right to the very end. But most of all, it feels deeply disrespectful to both Aqua and Ruby as characters. Rather than exploring their feelings and giving both of them interiority and complexity in relation to incest or even just fucking acknowledging that the kiss had happened and letting their dynamic evolve, the series just memory holes the entire event and asks that you do too. Rather than letting Ruby have any development whatsoever as pertains to that relationship or, god forbid, let a female character move on romantically from the male lead, the series ends with her feelings so up in the air that I literally could not tell you what she thinks of Aqua by the time he dies.
ANYWAY… FINAL CHAPTER. BREATHES OUT VERY HARD.
I really can't believe it's taken us until the final chapter to actually deal with Ruby's grief over Aqua lol. We got a snippet of it last chapter but it was so brief that it really just felt like a tease. I also just think it's kind of bizarre that we're spending this little time on Ruby having feelings about Aqua's death to the extent that I have no idea how or when she found out about it.
It's also kind of hard to feel particularly strongly about Ruby's grief when the chapter doesn't really bother to explore it all that much. It's just a montage of Ruby quite literally Screaming, Crying and Throwing Up while Akane dispassionately narrates it all. The art also doesn't really help in terms of connecting with the emotions at play - I usually really like Mengo's expression work and the way she depicts extreme emotions but this all just felt like of… I don't know how else to put it. Goofy??? Is that an insane thing to say about Ruby grieving her brother???
Idk, something about both the panelling and just the extreme on-the-noseness of Ruby, again, literally Screaming, Crying Throwing Up while she's wearing a Burning cosplay Just In Case You, The Audience, Didn't Get It only for her to abruptly be done crying with no exploration or insight as to what's going on in her head that allows her to move forward.
Honestly, this is kind of the issue with everyone in the cast. The resolution is just sort of "Aqua died and we were sad about it but then we stopped being sad". I know what the story is trying to go for here - it's trying to express that even when you're in pain, life goes on and so you have to find a way to go on with it. But the result is that we spend all this time oogling at their pain without spending equivalent or even meaningful time on their recovery process.
It feels both excessive and undercooked at the same time and I'm left with the same icky, voyeuristic feeling I got from Aqua's funeral last chapter. This should be the point in the story at which we empathize with Ruby the most, but she remains a frustratingly distant figure right to the final pages. Part of this is an unfortunate consequence of Akane's narration directing these final chapters meaning that we're hearing about Ruby from an outsider's perspective and thus don't really see what's going on in her head… but if I can be frank, this has been an issue of Aka's with Ruby in particular basically nonstop since chapter 123.
As others & myself have noted, despite the absolutely catastrophic downward spiral Ruby is in at that point, Aqua revealing himself as Gorou basically flips it all off like a switch. There's some mild lipservice paid to the idea that Ruby is just using her dependency on Gorou to prop herself up and it's pointed out that the issues that contributed to her breakdown haven't actually been resolved - but none of these issues are ever even acknowledged again, let alone resolved. So, functionally, that reveal does fix all Ruby's problems in the space of a single chapter and the result is, again, that we spend multiple chapters gourging on depictions of Ruby's absolute rock bottom only for her to ping back to normal like a lightswitch. As such, the depictions of her pain feel less like explorations of Ruby's interiority and more like voyeuristic oogling at Ruby's misery and trauma and the effect is that the resolution to it all is both unsatisfying and a little gross. The result is that it feels like Akasaka is just indulgently mining the imagery of cute girls suffering because it causes simple thoughts neuron activation but doesn't respect these girls enough as characters to build them back up.
It doesn't help that this is basically the in-universe excuse for Ruby's career further skyrocketing. Instead of Ruby becoming a star on her own merits as the story keeps insisting she was supposed to, she's artificially buoyed by the public's morbid fascination with her tragedy. If I was feeling charitable towards the story right now, I would say this is an avenue of intentional critique but… well, I don't feel super charitable about the story right now lol
I WILL say that the one part of this chapter I did just uncomplicatedly like was the beat of Mem trying to suspend activities (presumably in the wake of her grief for Aqua) only for Kana to basically immediately explode into her room and help her get back on her feet. It's a beat that would've been much more effective if we'd, you know, seen it, but I otherwise enjoyed it and I thought it was sweet.
But. pbbbbtttt. I guess I can't talk around it any longer… let's get into the Dome concert.
To start things off on the immediately worst note possible, Akane describes Ruby performing at the Dome as being 'everyone's dream', including Aqua's. I'm reminded once again of the strange turn the story took in insisting that um, actually, performing at the Dome was totes Ai's dream all along (even though she literally didn't give a shit even a week before she was due to perform there herself) so Ruby performing there is fulfilling that dream for her!!! and I can't help but wonder if this abrupt shift in focus is an attempt to make readers forget what Ai's actual dream was - to see her beloved children grow up happy and healthy. Hell, it wasn't even really Aqua's dream, until the story suddenly had to try and convince us that his entire purpose for existence was to kill himself so Ruby could be an idol for slightly longer than she would've otherwise. The only people whose dreams she's textually fulfilling are Ichigo and Miyako and Ruby herself, but…
Honestly, is this really Ruby's dream anymore?
Who is Hoshino Ruby? What does she want? Why does she want it? These should be the very least of what we can concretely say about not only a protagonist but a character who has become a central figure of the entire story as Ruby has, but with the way Oshi no Ko has warped and distorted her, I find myself increasingly unsure of what the story wants her to be or how I should answer those questions.What does Ruby feel about Aqua? Was she still in love with him? Had she moved on, romantically? Was she still waiting for a response to her confession? Did she finally realize it was probably kind of shitty to respond to her brother going "lowkey wanna kms" by sticking her tongue down his throat? I Guess We'll Never Know.
This extends to whatever the fuck Ruby's relationship with idols and being an idol is. Almost the entirety of Ruby's time in the story has been spent reiterating over and over that Ruby cannot just be an idol who imitates Ai and that to truly shine, she needs to step out of her mom's shadow and shine in her own way. Ruby even literally tells Kana in no uncertain terms in 137 - "I'll be a star in my own way. I won't be like Mama."
While this has always been the text of the story, as I've pointed out before, the actual art with which Ruby's idolhood depicts her basically just as Ai 2.0. It relies so heavily on mining the imagery of Ai's charisma and personality as an idol and using them as the measure of Ruby's success as an idol that Ruby essentially has no visual or conceptual identity of her own as an idol. She's just Ai, But Arbitrarily Better, For Reasons The Narrative Fails To Actually Establish But Hopes That You Just Accept Anyway. This was always kind of annoying, but now that friction seems to have been resolved by… just making her Ai 2.0, But Arbitrarily Better (etc, etc) in the text as well. The fact that we're given no further insight as to Ruby's feelings and continue to just have Akane Explain Ruby's Character Arc to the camera also doesn't help.
All this combines to make the Dome concert and the final few pages feel exceptionally cold in a way I really don't think was intended by Akasaka. Yes, that splash page was nice and flashy but… I just felt nothing. I have no idea if or why Ruby cares about this. And even though the Dome concert has been hyped up through the entire story as the peak of Ruby's achievements as an idol, I feel no sense of accomplishment in her finally being there - not just because her journey to it was basically sneezed at us across two panels, but because it just feels hollow as a victory lap for Ruby. Again, she feels so distant and abstracted as a character that I can't bring myself to feel very strongly about her good or bad.
I think the perfect encapsulation of this are the final four pages of the story. Ruby's words here are very clearly intended to be a callback to Ai's words to Gorou in chapter one but as @all-of-her-light pointed out in our initial discussions of the chapter, Ruby very much does not have an equivalent to Ai's conclusion that she nevertheless wants and values the opportunity to find personal happiness and fulfillment outside of being an idol. Are we supposed to believe that simply being an idol is all that Ruby needs to achieve a similar degree of happiness and fulfillment? Is there no more to her than that?
I've seen a lot of people interpret this ending as exceptionally bleak and, as usual, gleefully predicting Ruby's immanent suicide because her beloved oniichansensei isn't around but this is indulging in, if you'll allow me to be frank, some pretty transparently ship-motivated flanderization. Despite what certain sections of the fandom would like to believe, Aqua and Ruby's lives, past and current, have never revolved around each other to the exclusion of every other relationship in their life. Ruby has a massive support network of people who love and care for her and actively want her to get back on her feet. I can one hundred percent believe that she does not need Aqua in her life to be happy and content.
The issue is that we don't see enough of Ruby to understand that ourselves. Again, she has become such a distant figure with so little insight into what she's thinking and why that this ending is basically a Rorschach test in which you can interpret basically whatever the hell you want or assume because we have so little canon basis to support or debunk our assumptions.
and yes. don't think i didn't see them. it IS both grimly hilarious and weirdly tonally appropriate for this ending that ruby has a bunch of oshi goods of ai and aqua including their fucking autographs set up to say goodbye to every day.
AND…… WE'RE DONE!!! THAT'S OSHI NO KO, BABY!!!! well, technically, there's going to be a 20 page extra chapter in volume 16 but I don't see it being big or substantive enough to meaningfully change my feelings about the ending so… I guess we're leaving it here. Damn. Feels crazy to be done with it.
I'll probably do a bigger post down the line about my thoughts on the ending as a whole but in terms of just How This Chapter Made Me feel, I guess the word is just… meh! It's definitely not an ending I like and I think the execution is sloppy and rushed but I also just don't really have the energy to feel angry about it. Maybe that's sad in its own way but tbh… I still really love Oshi no Ko! I still find it engaging and I find the characters I enjoy rewarding to talk about. I like the artistry of the anime adaptation. I don't blame anybody else for being so turned off by this ending that they're done with the series but for me, I like what I like about OnK too much that this ending could retroactively ruin it for me. Whatever else happens with the OnK franchise, whatever directions the anime and live-action take, this will always be the series that gave me Ai and the Hoshino family and. look at me. look at what she's done to my brain. could I really ask for anything more than that?
That being said, I'm definitely not done with discussing the series! I have fics to write (including a VERY exciting large scale project lined up with some friends), my Ai analysis post to finish and I also want to do a re-read of the series and finish my anime rewatch. I'll be here to discuss Oshi no Ko as long as I have things to say about it and as long as you guys will have me! Despite how the series ended, I've had a genuinely wonderful experience in the fandom and I really don't want to let go of the little community we've built together just because the series is done. I'm Ai's fan for all eternity!!!
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heys0ulmate · 3 days ago
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veneration (this faith's got me high)
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pairing: sofia falcone/gigante x f!reader
summary: sofia isn't the same anymore- but you've waited too long for her to care.
warnings: uhh .. unnegotiated/dubcon, gun usage, slight bondage, passing out, im sure im missing stuff, not proofread, major abuse of italics sorry lmao
word count: 4.6K
A/N: this is the first part of what i PLAN to be a series, tho im not sure when the next part(s) will be out. i legitimately havent published a fic in over a decade so im sorry that its like. poorly structured LOL. not much smut in this one sorry yall. title from holy by zolita btw. also this was posted prematurely by accident cus it was still in my drafts but oh well
〰️
You don't recognize the room you're in, but you feel no danger. All you feel is giddiness and bliss.
There's something warm next to you. Sofia.
Her red, pretty lips are moving, corners curled up slightly, but you can't hear her. You laugh despite the fact, because it feels right. The joy in your chest overwhelming.
She's closer, now. You're laughing hysterically, to the point of tears. It's getting hard to breathe.
Sofia cups your face. She looks scared, but you still can't hear what she's saying. You can't speak- all you can do is laugh and choke for air.
The room changes.
It's crowded.
You spot Sofia from across the galley.
Something in you tells you to run to her, as fast as you can, like you'll die if you don't. It's an all-consuming type of panic, the inability to breathe slowly creeping back.
You push past the crowd, but the more progress you make, the larger the room seems to grow.
The crowd parts, and you see her. She's leaving the room, hand in hand with her father. Her lips are parted in a scream that you still can't hear.
"Sofia!" You shriek, running as fast as you can now that the people have cleared a path.
You're inches away from Sofia and the grip her father has on her when you suddenly hear her voice loud and clear from behind you.
"She's not here anymore."
You bolt up from your bed, gasping for air and flailing under your blanket, desperately trying to wrestle it off.
It takes a minute to gather your bearings.
"Shit," you mutter to yourself, rubbing your eyes.
It shouldn't phase you. You can't remember a single night in the past ten goddamn years that you haven't woken up from a some sort of dream-turned nightmare about Sofia. But something about this one seemed to stick to you like summer heat, an uncomfortable, lingering sensation that seems to amplify the harder you try to ignore it.
"She's not here anymore."
It rings through your head like a catchy song as you stumble into the kitchen for a glass of water.
In the ten years since Sofia was taken from you, you haven't heard her voice even once. You weren't allowed visitation as a non-family member, and phone calls were prohibited for the same reason.
It was almost if the sanctions had carried over into your psyche, some form of cruel punishment that prevented you from hearing her even in your dreams.
At least you were able to see her at night.
You'd never grown used to the inevitable, debilitating dread that suffocated you each time you awoke, but you still looked forward to falling asleep each night, knowing it'd grant you a brief illusion of having Sofia by your side again.
"She's not here anymore."
You try not to think to hard about it, to instead appreciate the blessing of being graced with her voice, even if it was just subconscious. You tell yourself it's probably just a result of the weeks recent events; the flooding of Gotham city. The death of Carmine Falcone.
The impact of it all must have rattled you.
That's all.
But... you can't shake the nagging feeling that there was something more.
It's then that your phone rings on your bedside table. *BRRR*
You set your water cup down with a huff, shuffling your feet slowly towards your bedroom. You're in no rush to pick up. Who the fuck call at this time of night; and without warning?
In your experience, this meant one of two things: the call was your basic, run of the mill scam attempt, or a reporter who had found your number and was desperate for some kind of story. Not that you'd ever give them one, of course. Even when Sofia was still around, and your relationship was somewhat in the public eye, you never discussed anything with journalists of any kind.
After Sofia was sent to Arkham, the scrutiny on you had increased. You went from being the occasionally mentioned girlfriend of Carmine Falcone's daughter, to 'the woman who loved The Hangman.'
Generally, the public saw you as a pseudo-victim; someone who had been manipulated by The Hangman, paraded to maintain a false image, and used as a front to keep Sofia's cover. They didn't believe you when you claimed to have been with Sofia on three of the nights that those women were killed. "The poor girl- who knows what that woman subjected her to, to make her lie for her?"
The year following her arrest was the peak of your exposure. You were relentlessly assaulted with press whenever you went outside, and you had to change your cell phone number four times.
Everyone was dying for an inside scoop on what it was like to know The Hangman intimately.
By the second year, you were more comfortable leaving the house. You moved just outside of Gotham, and slowly, the pressure for statements and interviews died down the longer Sofia was away. You still get the occasional phone call, someone hoping that now that it's been 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years, maybe you'd be willing to share your 'story.'
You'd hang up immediately every time, until you got to the point where you just stopped picking up.
*BRRRRR*
You approach your bedside table with every intention to hit the reject button, squinting at the brightness of your screen in the dark of your room.
That's when you see the caller ID.
*000*
You pause.
So far, every telemarketer, every scammer, reporter, and journalist, were listed as either Unknown Caller, or a string of numbers.
The only time you received calls with three digit numbers was when it was Alberto.
A part of you hesitates. Alberto does this, sometimes, though it's become more sparse over the years: he goes on a bender, gets too in his feelings, and calls from a nurner phone and leaves you a barrage of voice and text messages. It's always the same, with him going on coked-up rant about how he's going to get Sofia out one day and wrong everyone who wronged her.
Outside of that, though, Alberto never called. When Sofia was sent away, Alberto had begun simultaneously spiraling and attempting to survive and thrive in the Falcone family. Between the drugs and job, Alberto became a lot more isolated than he used to be. Any attempt on your part to reach out wasn't successful. He stopped responding from the number you'd had saved, keeping communication one-sided.
Still, every week, you texted him the same thing at the same time. Sunday, 9AM, an hour before you knew Sofia had visitation hours. Tell Sofia I love her, please.
You'd never get a response, but you never really expected to, either. You had no way of confirming if he was seeing your messages. The only way you knew Alberto still even thought of you or knew your number was with the increasingly infrequent, triple digit ID calls.
Either way, the occasional drug fueled messages always left you feeling even more depressed. Knowing Alberto was suffering just as much as you didn't bring any sort of comfort; it just reminded you of your own pain.
*BRRRRR*
Between the unease from your dream and timing of the call, though, every instinct in your body is telling you to pick up the phone.
Your hands tremble as you clumsily smash the answer button with your thumb, bringing the phone up to your ear.
"Hello?" You wait with baited breath as you hear Alberto on the other side of the line. "...'Berto?" There's nothing but silence for a moment.
Then, you hear him clear his throat. "I, uh-" There's a pause, and a sniff. "I'm gettin' her out, [Y/N]."
You're heart pounds almost painfully. "Y-you mean-"
"Yeah," Alberto confirms with a disbelieving laugh, as if he can't wrap his own head around it. "Yeah," he says again, more firmly this time, confirming everything you've wanted, pleaded, prayed for, for ten years. "She's comin' home."
The news breaks two days later.
Two days of silence from Alberto after he dropped that fucking bomb on you.
You aren't sure if you're in shock, or if it literally hasn't quite hit you yet. Maybe it's because, despite a part of you accepting you'd never see her again, you always had faith in your heart that she'd come back to you. That naive hope kept you alive for ten years.
You aren't sure what to do with yourself, now. You've grown so accustomed to just... existing. Holding hope, with nothing to really do with it. This sort of feels likes that, but with more anticipation knowing what's to come.
Except, it doesn't.
She comes home, yes. You watch the reports about it, read the headlines, hear the outcries. But you don't see her. You don't hear from her, or Alberto, and you're resigned to waiting for one of them to reach out.
After a few days, you grew impatient. The anxiety you'd felt from waiting around had turned into a sort of panic, an all consuming need to make any attempt to quell your nerves.
Why hadn't you heard anything? Had something gone wrong? Did they forget?
You'd gone to the Falcone residence. It was fucking packed with news casters, journalists, rioters and spectators. It had taken you a while to shove your way through the mob, and when you had, you were turned away like everyone else.
You went back the next day, and the next, and the results were the same.
And then, Alberto dies.
You think the shock will return, but all you can think is Sofia, Sofia, Sofia. Your Sofia. Your girl, who must be hurting so tremendously right now, who you can't cradle and comfort.
It seems your deep seeded need to be by Sofia's side reignites some of your more rational thinking, though, and you consider your options.
The crowds of cameras and protesters should disperse by the time the sun goes down, you'd assume, giving you more of a shot to see her.
So, you decide to return to the Falcone's late that evening, when the moon has settled and the stars are at their brightest.
Despite the time, it seems the family is well awake, as all the lights can be seen as you walk up the driveway. You hear voices, though you're too far away to tell if they're shouts from behind the walls, or conversations outside.
Soon, two of the guards notice you approaching. "Hey!" One hollars, hoisting up his gun as he stalks towards you. "What are you doin' here? You got business with Luca?"
You should probably be more concerned about the possibility of being shot by a paranoid guard, but your adrenaline is pumping too hard to care.
"Uh- no, I'm- I don't," you stutter. "I wanna see Sofia."
As the second guard approaches, you hear a soft chuckle. "Ah, yeah, I remember you," he drawls, before turning towards the other man. "Used to hang around Sofia," he explains to him, making the other relax his posture slightly.
"She's not available," the first one grunts, "probably won't be for a while."
Being turned down does little to deter you. "So she's here? Just, not available?" You ask hopefully. They don't get a chance to respond. "That's fine. I can wait."
You make a bold move to squeeze past them, speed walking over to the grand stair case in front of the house with purpose.
Behind you, the guards bicker. You don't hear what they say, outside of something about 'letting Ms. Falcone decide,' but based on the lack of pushback, you assume the one who remembered you was suggesting the other guard leave it be.
You're perfectly content to sit for as long as you need to. You've waited a decade for Sofia; you can wait a few hours- or even until the morning- to finally see her after all this time.
To your surprise, though, you only wait for about 45 minutes.
The front doors of the mansion swing open, and you hear the click of heels stomping down the steps.
"Fuckin' pricks," someone mutters, and you immediately recognize the voice.
Your heart leaps into your throat as you stand on shaky legs, and you can't turn around to face her fast enough. You almost lose you balance in the process, but catch yourself in time for Sofia to notice your presence.
She has a cigarette halfway to her lips as she stares at you, an unreadable expression on her face.
You blink.
She blinks.
"You're..." her voice sounds empty for a moment. Then she shakes her head a little, blinking hard a few times and huffing. "What are you doing here, [Y/N]?"
You open your mouth, but your brain is moving a mile a minute. Nothing comes out, and you just gape at her like a fish for a few moments. "Uhhhh..." you trail off dumbly, but you're too frozen to even feel stupid about it.
Sofia rolls her eyes. "Come on," she says as she resumes her walk past you, lighting up her cigarette as she does. "I'm not staying too far from here at the moment."
You practically trip over yourself in your rush to follow Sofia. It's a bit of a struggle to keep up with her pace, but you manage. The car is parked at the end of the driveway. A burly man is propped against the hood, and he moves around to the back door when he sees Sofia quickly approaching. He opens it for her with a quick acknowledgment as she slides in smoothly, and remains silent as you clumsily follow suit.
Sofia keeps her eyes fixed out the window as the man gets into the drivers seat. You can't help but stare at her, though, something akin to awe making it impossible to look away.
A few minutes into the drive, you see Sofia tentatively shift her eyes towards you. She looks on guard, as though unnerved by your eyes on her.
Still, she says nothing. Her gaze stays trained on the passing scenery for the remainder of the ride, like she's stubbornly making an effort to ignore your blatant staring.
Sofia hardly waits until the car is parked to unbuckle and hastily exist the vehicle once it's pulled in front of her building. You rush to get your door open, jogging a little to catch up to her.
You're paid no mind as Sofia struts inside and walks to the kitchen. It's almost like you're invisible, a silent, unseen witness.
Sofia moves around the kitchen with a practiced ease, retrieving a glass and wine bottle that she pops open, pouring a sizeable amount. She takes a long, long sip, her head tilting back until the contents of her glass are almost completely gone.
Then, she sighs, her shoulders relaxing a bit as she embraces the warmth of the alcohol.
Finally, she looks at you, indifference written all over her face. "You didn't give me an answer earlier," she states simply.
You take a small step forward. "Sofia..." You blink hard, suddenly overwhelmed with emotions.
Sofia is looking at you. You see her. You hear her.
You take another step, and another, until your knees buckle in front of her. "Sofia," it's an almost reverant sound that makes Sofia inhale sharply.
She's so close.
You wrap your arms around her legs as you kneel before her, nuzzling against her thighs.
"Sofia," you say again, just as softly.
You can breathe again. After ten long, dreadful years, you finally feel like the air in your lungs is pure and real.
Sofia freezes. She's unsure of how to process this.
You're here. In front of her- willingly.
It feels wrong; you bowing before her when you have no idea who she is anymore.
"Cut it out," she mutters, lightly pushing your head away and taking a small step back.
You remain on your knees, looking up at her with half lidded eyes.
The adoration in them makes Sofia uncomfortable.
"Get off the floor," Sofia says, her tone indescribable. "You aren't an animal." She turns to top off her wine glass, takes a sip, and leaves the room.
It takes you a minute to gather yourself, but you slowly move towards the direction she headed in. You find her in a room down the hall, an open, office-adjacent space. She's sitting on a loveseat in the center of the room, staring blankly ahead as she sips away.
You pause in the doorway to observe her for a minute, wondering if she's aware that you've followed. You decide to let your presence be known, taking a few confident steps forward.
Sofia doesn't look at you when she speaks.
"Whatever you're here for," she starts, "you won't find."
"No," you find yourself saying. "No, Sofia, I..." you trail off as you come closer. "I... I just want you."
Sofia's jaw clenches. "You don't know what that means anymore," she spits, before taking another sip of her wine, attempting to grow the irrational anger brewing inside her.
There's a certain, panicked heat that comes over you then, feeling unheard and misunderstood. "No, no," you say hastily. "No, Sofia, please," you drop in front of her again. "Please, Sofia. I don't care what that- what that means. All I care about is you."
Sofia scoffs, her temper getting the best of her. She grips your hair without thinking, pulling your head off her lap to look up at her. "You want me to show you what it means?" She hisses, eyes wide and manic. "Okay. Take your clothes off."
You're momentarily stunned, not expecting Sofia's request. "What? Ah-!" Sofia yanks your hair again, gritting her teeth as she speaks. "Take off your fucking clothes," she repeats.
Her tone sends you into motion, and you scramble to remove your top. Sofia settles back against the couch as she watches you undress for her, keeping her features schooled.
Once you're bare, you shift on your knees a bit, unsure of what to do. Being naked in front of Sofia certainly isn't new, but, it's also been ten years since you've last been intimate with her. You never anticipated it happening again like... this. Sofia never acted this way with you in the last. Usually, she undressed you herself, slowly and with kisses on each inch of skin she revealed. She had been teasing, sure, but never so stern.
It stirred something in you that you couldn't place your finger on. All you know is, you certainly aren't complaining.
So, you stay still, not wanting to do anything without instruction lest Sofia decide she's no longer willing to entertain you. You bask in Sofia's predatory gaze, letting her drink in your exposed body.
Soon, though, you start to squrim a bit. It's not cold, per say, but the air was just brisk enough on your bare skin that you couldn't ignore the slight chill.
You shiver a little, and Sofia smirks.
"You cold?" She asks knowingly. Sofia keeps her eyes on you as she reaches for her wine glass, standing as she does.
You tense a little as she begins to stalk closer to you, a small sneer on her face.
She's behind you, now, but you don't dare to move your head, not even when you hear the clink of her wine glass on the ground. Instead, you stay still and complacent as Sofia picks up your discarded shirt and begins to wrap it around your wrists. You moan inadvertently at the feeling of her skin on yours, but Sofia takes a deep breath. She ignores the sound, instead making quick work of restraining your hands behind your back.
When she's done, Sofia picks her glass back up as she towers over you. There's a dark, empty look in her eye that sends a chill down your spine.
Sofia, of course, notices this.
She smirks. "Is that it? You chilly, sweetheart?" Her voice is patronizing and full of faux concern.
You're not sure if she wants an answer or not, but aren't given a chance to respond either way, Sofia suddenly splashing the remenants of the wine from her glass onto you.
You flinch, and gasp loudly at the cold sensation. You're hands instinctively move to rub at eyes in an attempt to clear your vision, but you find yourself tugging fruitlessly at the shirt Sofia had binded your wrists. The wine soaking your face and dampening your hair ends trickles down your body, erupting goosebumps in it's wake.
You're still blinking heavily in an attempt to normalize your seeing when hear a breathy cackle. You feel her pinch your jaw, a strong grip on you as she licks a filthy stripe up your face, lapping up the spilt wine. She releases you, the sound of footsteps echoing through the room as Sofia struts past you and towards the desk by the window. You can't see what she's retrieving, your eyesight blurry and unfocused.
By the time Sofia circles back, you've mostly regainedy your vision. You don't have any time to visually process what she has in her hand, though, as she wastes no time in forcing the barrel of her handgun past your parted, panting lips, and into your mouth.
"It's a terrible feeling. Isn't it?" The gun presses a little harder, and you cringe at the feeling of rough metal pressing against your tongue. "Nothing left to hide behind," Sofia drawls, her voice is surprisingly even, though her words feel weighted.
You blink up at her with an unnerving lack of fear.
Sofia bares on with a tilt of her head. "The guards at Arkham stripped us bare every morning," she states, and your heart clenches at the thought. "It was humiliating," Sofia continues, a subtle anger brewing in her voice with each punctuated annunciation, "being turned into a thing."
Sofia shoves the gun hard enough to make you gag, and presses forward until you're bending backwards. Sofia straddles you, her grip on the gun directing your movements. She has you sprawled on your back, hands twisted painfully under you, pressed between your spine and the hardwood floor.
Sofia lowers her face, her wild eyes inches from yours. "You think," she growls, "that I'm still who you knew?" She smiles, though there's no joy in it. "That I'm not just a thing?"
Apparently, it wasn't a rhetorically question, as Sofia yanks the gun out of your mouth.
You sputter for a second, before rushing to respond, "no," you gasp. "I- I don't expect you to- to be the same, Sofia, I don't." Your voice cracks a bit, and you pray that your eyes convey your earnesty. "I don't care that you- you don't feel like yourself, Sofia, if you feel different, now. I love you. I love you. I love you, Sofia," you insist, your voice soft.
Sofia regards you for a long minute, and you wait with abated breath to see how she'd react.
For a moment, you think she's heard you. Really heard, and believed you- believed in your unconditional love and devotion for her. There's a hopeful, but guarded look in her eye, something akin to a skittish street cat assessing if it should trust the hand reaching out to pet it. But, just as quickly as it appeared, it's gone.
Sofia's features go hard again, and she moves her face away, straightening her back and kneeling over you.
"You don't get it," she says- simply, quietly, almost as if to herself.
You part your lips to protest, but Sofia is quicker, and slaps her hand over your mouth. "Don't," she warns.
Sofia hates it. The way you don't even struggle under her; the way you just take it, like you understand what this means.
Why don't you get it? Do you really not understand what kind of horrors she was exposed to? What they did to her; what they turned her into?
It pisses her off.
How dare you, how dare you, prance back into her life, expecting her to be untouched by the hell that was Arkham?
Do you think she's naive? That she'd truly believe, after all this time, you'd still want her? Want her for who she actually is now?
You don't even fucking know her anymore.
Fuck.
It infuriates her for so many reasons that she refuses to acknowledge right now.
Instead, she let's herself embrace the unbridled rage that's always threatening to erupt inside her.
"Alright!" She exclaims, a Cheshire Cat grin spreading across her face. "You love me?" She taunts. "You think you want me?"
She shoves herself off of you to pull her underwear down her legs. You're heart thuds as she slips off her fur coat and hikes up her dress. Sofia easily drops back down, straddling your face and gripping your hair with one hand. "Show me, then." With that, she lowers herself completely, smothering your face in her cunt.
Your primal instincts kick in, then, and you press forward, your tongue eagerly swiping through her folds.
Jesus fuck, you think somewhere in the back of your mind. Finally, finally, finally.
You hadn't realized how much you craved the taste of Sofia until this very moment. It feels like you're starving, like you haven't eaten in ten goddamn years, and Sofia is the first meal you've been granted.
Your ministrations are messy and desperate. You can hardly think straight, overwhelmed by the taste and scent and feel of Sofia. All you do is lick and suck and moan, embracing the pure bliss you feel. The rapidly decreasing supply of oxygen in your lungs is easy to ignore when you finally have the privilege of pleasuring Sofia again.
Sofia's eyebrows furrow. You won't struggle under her. You won't look up with panicked eyes, even as she deprives you of air, even as she suffocates you.
You don't get it.
Sofia narrows her eyes and her hips buck forward. It's almost violent, the way she fucks your face, riding harder and harder. She grunts softly, losing inhibition as she watches her slickness spread all over your face.
Still, you only whine as though you're the one being pleasured.
Why don't you fucking get it.
Sofia tightens her grip in your hair, pushing your face impossibly closer against her cunt as she feels her climax approaching. She's panting harshly through her noise, controlling the means threatening to spill out of her.
Just then, your eyes slugglishly blink open and lock with hers. It's clear that you're moments away from passing out, and Sofia can only stare down at the dazed look in your eyes.
Still, there's no fear there. There's nothing but adoration.
Your eyes roll back, and your eyelids flutter shut. Sofia's breath hitches as your body goes limp under her.
It's then that she cums, her body tensing and jerking. A ragged moan escapes her as she grinds and grinds against you, using your unconscious body to draw the waves of pleasure out.
Sofia slumps off of you, sitting by your side as she recovers from the exertion. She just sits for a while, until her breathing regulates, and she gathers the courage to look over at you.
You're still passed out, but the slight rise and fall of your chest tells Sofia you are, in fact, alive.
It doesn't do much to relieve Sofia- not when there's a sick, familiar feeling of dread forming in the pit of her stomach.
No.
Sofia squeezes her eyes shut.
This isn't supposed to matter.
This doesn't mean anything.
Sofia stands, and smooths out her dress. She can't afford to have regrets; to have... things that make her question herself.
That's not her anymore.
Sofia takes a deep breath.
She squares her shoulders, and doesn't spare you a second glance as she forces herself to leave the room.
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burningcheese-merchant · 3 days ago
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Sooo, I have a thought from an ask i saw about yandere beasts towards the ancients...
What if the Beasts became yandere towards YOU instead?
Although, the Ancients have the same feeling too, which may lead to high tensions in the air.
What would YOU in that scenario?
-A Self-Aware/Yandere lover Anon
Wait, me? Me specifically? Merchant? The person answering this ask? That's certainly an interesting thought...
If the Beasts became yanderes towards me, then I would fucking panic lol. I don't condone this kind of behavior irl, it's fun to write fictional crazy people but nobody wants to endure ACTUAL crazy people. Stalkers are sick and dangerous and need to be put away, and it's a damn shame it's not taken seriously by law enforcement anywhere (not until it escalates to violence, anyway, unfortunately)
With that said, let's terrorize Merchant for a little bit
IF THE BEASTS ARE STILL JUST COOKIES:
Step on them immediately, they're like 3 inches tall wait, would that work? They have powers and are crazy strong. What can they actually do against humans? Would stepping on them just break my fucking foot?
Send my dog after them no wait, I don't want them to hurt my dog. I love my dog very much. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to him. I'd never forgive myself if I let him try to eat them and he just got turned into flour or something
Pour milk on them ONE OF THEM IS MADE OF MILK ALREADY GODDAMN IT
Hide the box of cookies I like to get from the store, because they probably wouldn't appreciate the fact that I love to eat cookies (they're just like this 🍪 but still)
Try to trap them in the fridge momentarily, hope they don't destroy my nice fridge
Make a deal where they are allowed to live in and explore my house provided they damage nothing and hurt no one
Give them head scratches (especially Spice, his head looks Very Scratchable)
Give them tiny little kisses if they behave themselves (however, if I give one a kiss, I have to give them ALL kisses, or else the other 4 will retaliate against me out of jealousy)
I will also allow them to sit on my shoulders if they behave themselves and don't try to yank on my hair or my ears or something
Wait, do cookies know what sex is? Are they capable of sexual feelings? If so, how do they deal with them? Do they have the... equipment for that? WHAT IF THEY TRY TO HUMP MY FINGERS OR SOMETHING OH GOD-
Contact federal authorities and hope that they believe me when I say superpowered talking cookies are in my house, so they can come take them away and perhaps experiment on them
Probably never sleep again because there's a batch of little satanic cookies in my house that all want to fuck me for some reason (I'm ugly and a normie, wtf did I do to deserve this 💀)
IF THE BEASTS ARE HUMAN:
immediate death
panic x10000000000
I hc Spice as being at least 6'5''/198cm and 200+/90+ lbs/kg so I'm cooked 7 ways to Sunday just with him
Seriously I'm just a short nerd irl. Assuming they still have their powers, my life is literally over
Do everything in my power to convince them all my loved ones are dead so they don't go harm them out of jealousy (ESPECIALLY my SO, God have mercy, I'll probably have to tell him to go hide in his home country for a while)
Try to barricade myself in a church, hope that the "demons cannot set foot on hallowed ground/in God's house" rule applies to them, beg God to save my sorry ass while they try to break in and drag me back out
Can't call the cops because A) stalking and harassment are not taken seriously by police, B) they won't believe me when I say that 5 supervillains are trying to kidnap and marry me, C) by the time they realize I'm telling the truth, they will already have been hanged/put into a coma/beheaded/turned to flour/cut up into salt cubes
I actually only like men irl so I am in deep trouble with Flour and Sugar especially
Try to flee the country (probably won't work but I'll try anyway and hope they don't get too mad about it), hide out in the Yukon or some bumfuck nowhere village in Russia, I'd rather face a polar bear than these guys
Probably still be forced to let them live in my house in exchange for peace and obedience
...I don't know if tiny head scratches and kisses would cover it this time
Hope that they're all possessive enough to only harass me one at a time, instead of... more than one at a time, because that counts as sharing and yanderes don't really like doing that
Try to pit them against each other constantly. If they're too focused on arguing about who I belong to or whatever, then they can't focus on tormenting me
Would like to try to stab or shoot them but idk if conventional weaponry works on them at all
If I HAD TO pick one to say yes to, it would be Burning Spice. He is sexy af. Then, hopefully, I can weaponize this and get him to defend me from the others
IF THE ANCIENTS LIKED ME TOO, BUT WERE NORMAL:
Yay, sanity. I'll tell them to PLEASE get the Beasts away from me. They can sort out whatever they feel towards me later, we've got a bigger problem on our hands than that
COOKIES: I will keep them safe in my house under the same conditions as the Beasts: behave and do not harm anyone or anything
HUMANS: Look, can I just... send them back? How did any of these guys get here, anyway? Can I please just shove them back through the portal or whatever they used to get here? Even if I wasn't taken, I don't think I'd have the strength or patience to put up with anyone's shit. Can we just be friends? I'd love to be friends. I need a mom friend like Hollyberry in my life
If necessary, I am picking Dark Cacao. Seriously, I love my big, strong men. Merchant is a basic bitch at heart lol
IF THE ANCIENTS WERE YANDERES TOO:
Are you fucking kidding me
Am still picking Cacao, fuck all of you
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loulovingho · 3 days ago
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i wanted a love story for buck, not a love end. at this point, unless they do another 180 with the bucktommy breakup, i think they can never recreate this. we finally had a love interest that checked all the boxes, somebody who was known and liked by the firefam, who felt like he could be integrated organically, who showed that he would fit in with this found family, who got the approval of bobby (!) and thus truly got the final stamp of approval, unlike abby and every other love interest beforehand. at this point of the show, i think if they truly don't decide to do bvddie (as they seem to be unwilling to properly integrate side characters with even the most potential), buck is doomed to stay single forever or to get a fucking lackluster ending with some random love interest. we have been there at the end of season 6 already, when it was unclear if 911 will get renewed. the writing has been terrible in so many ways few seasons now, and it ain't getting better. i am just done. this is not me and many others mourning only bucktommy or only tommy, like bvddies are saying rn. this is just them being willfully ignorant again. many of us have been invested in buck's story for years! we thought that they would finally commit to a love interest and allow buck to explore real long-lasting love. after so many half-hearted attempts, tommy had everything we wanted, and it was taken from us so carelessly. i am mourning my year-long love for buck here. i think i am done with him and his canon story forever.
Not to sound like a broken record, but I hope you also sent something similar in to abc! Saying you are done is exactly what they need to hear!
It also makes you feel better lol
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messy-does-cosmology · 5 months ago
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Lol there is this LGBT bookshop near me run by this married couple and they mostly just stock their own self-published books and graphic novels
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mazojo · 1 year ago
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Anyways XO Kitty love interests summarized
Dae
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Min Ho
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Yuri
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angelmush · 3 months ago
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went to the state fair yesterday and tried so so much good food !!! my favorite things were the pickle lemonade (literally my favorite drink ever since i first tried it a couple weeks ago) and the fried pickles and the roasted corn. feeling like a true midwesterner after that :-)
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torgawl · 8 months ago
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if wriothesley doesn't appear in any quest once we get to remuria, what even is the point?
the parallels between wrio and king remus are crystal clear. remus who descended upon meropis (a name very familiar to anyone who knows of the fortress of meropide) in his golden fortuna, the legendary ship of remus that is also called the bringer of civilization and glory (wrio who built a ship to deal with the misfortune upon fontaine) is an example of it.
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wrio also has connections to hades with the cerberus motif as guardian of the underworld. it's curious that the tower in remuria is described not only as not built to receive heavenly oracles, serving as a guide to ships traveling between islands, but also as a border of reality and dreams. if this is not necessarily literal but a metaphor or allegory, it could fit very well with the idea of a portal between domains or realms, like life and death.
wriothesley also parallels another character in the genshin universe and that person is arlecchino. they were brought up as orphans, taken in by an institution with corrupted leaders, which they reformed and achieved a leading position of. and funnily enough, she has ties to purgatory (a place for punishment, much like the fortress). as i have said in another post, purgatory has been described by dante as a tower leading to heaven. but we also know that celestia in the genshin world is associated with the demon realm - archons being named after ars goetia, an anonymous grimoire on demonology. although the concepts aren't the same in theory, is it impossible that the game has used elements of both? wriothesley and arlecchino's themes are similar enough to overlap. even though i don't expect wriothesley to be lore revelant anymore, i do think his ties to remuria and his role as someone who punishes others for their sins, much like arlecchino, is very much purposeful.
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scrawlingskribbles · 1 month ago
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not me blearily waking up at 5:30am almost in tears bc I had a dream that Ian had apparently been making more little OK KO shorts on the side and the utter joy I was feeling as dream!me was scrambling to find & watch them only to wake up before I could........ :((((
#there were 5 of them out already apparently#the most recent one had a Ray focus to it so big shocker that that's the one that caught my attention#and dream!me was like ''oh so THAT'S why ppl have been spam-liking all my Ray posts recently!! makes sense 👌''#I actually got to se like a little ending clip for that one where like. he was wearing this stupid cloak & outfit—#—kinda looked a little Shadowy Figure-esque actually??—but apparently he was like. secretly doing hero work on the side or smth??#and then at the end he had this convo with Darrell back at the factory where he monologued about how dabbling in hero work--#--made the villainy they do feel all the sweeter or smth like that & he was all dreamy-eyed pensive staring up at the sky#and Darrell was??? drinking imaginary tea/coffee from an imaginary cup which you could tell bc he had his pinkie up#and then when Ray finished his monologue Darrell just gave him this most unimpressed smirk & dumped out his imaginary cup over the balcony#like pour-one-out style??? and then that was the end of the short 😂😂#and so dream!me was pissing her pants bc HERO RAYMOND REAL AFTER ALL??¿????#and there were some other like screenshots/gifs I stumbled across on my way to find the actual shorts themselves#(Ian apparently had a whole lil youtube channel he was posting them to lol which I only found right before I woke up)#but the only one I can remember now was Elodie doing a Big YellTM towards KO about something 😂😂#broooo there are genuine tears being wiped from my eyes rn wtf is thissssss 🤣🤣 I have work soon I need my SLEEP#but I had to document this bc it was just. so Visceral & now I am so so so soooo bummed that it wasn't actually real TwT#I think my brain & heart have gotten too inspired by how some of my other Big Fave interests have been getting sequels/remasters lately#so now my soul is Once Again I Am Yearning For Justice For OK KO.meme TTwTT#anyways. god it's taken me an entire half hour to blearily tap this out on my phone. time to squeeze another half hour of snooze before work#OK KO#shut up Wisp
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meownotgood · 1 year ago
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chapter one word count = 34k, chapter two word count = 36k
that means finally, 70k word count in total 🫡
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bigmammallama5 · 1 year ago
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i turned in my paperwork to start selling pots in our art center's gallery shop, so now i gotta bust my ass again to get some more work churned out (which this is very cool, and i need to provide some mugs for a special instructor's "mug event" now). i went and looked around and there wasn't a terribly broad array of work? cups, bowls, mugs, some smaller serving dishes, mostly functional work. i'm thinking i'll do cups, mugs, some small bowls for ease, then i'm thinking some pumpkins (with or without a face or a lid idk), some little shroomies which are easy and cute, and then if i can get them right maybe some of those tumblers with the half lid for straws? maybe some wild clay slip...
but now bc i'm teaching more and i might have a little extra from this now, idk if i'll have the time to dedicate for illustration commissions like i had been hoping to do. im still gonna think about it, and at the very least might find a new online shop to offer prints that isn't redbubble. it's not a light decision to consider. :/
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smallsies · 1 year ago
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listen the thing that really sticks in my head about woe.begone is the potential that the utilization of time travel within the canon storyline changes the events relative to the way we (the audience) experience it.
maybe this has been addressed in the pod or is altogether just too meta, but the idea that, for example, something could've happened to some version of mike that now, thanks to continuity/corrections/ the like, we (as meta w.bg pod listeners/in-canon listeners to w.bg as "mike's podcast"?) don't remember, because the iterations of him that initially experienced the event in their timelines, for one reason of another, are equally unaware that it ever even happened.
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taeyungie · 2 years ago
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hi ♡ i guess i'm back? 🥹
here's a little life update! i think you guys deserve it after my absence that lasted longer than even i expected it to last ;( i am very sorry about that. i miss everyone here and bangtan so much, you have no idea. the reason for all that is that for the past months i have been going through a lot of things and changes in my life. there were good and bad things happening, time flies extra fast, days melt into one and i didn't even notice the past half a year pass. although i think my absence was unavoidable in these circumstances i just thought that you guys deserve to know what's been up with me for the past months haha i have received a lot messages and reminders that people remember about me and that they miss me and i just want to send all of you my biggest apologies for leaving you for so long with no response, as well as all my love and gratitude! 🥺 i think i've been always fairly transparent on here so if anyone wanted to know more I'll leave some more details in the tags but basically I just hope that soon i will be able to become more active again and respond to messages ❤️❤️❤️ i hope everyone is doing great 🥰
#honestly... it was yoongi's comeback that made it happen. that made me have motivation to come back. i didnt expect it but here we are LOL#because for the past months i have been struggling a lot and i almost lost all the connections with my friends family and bangtan#i lost all my feelings and thoughts#i didnt miss anyone i didnt want to do anything i didnt want to be anywhere. i was completely submerged into my own head#i still am. it didnt exactly get better but.. its just yoongis impact jasbhdjdjd he made me remeber a lot#in october last year i developed a very agressive eating disorder and its gotten a lot worse at the begging of this year#and it has taken everything from me. it sucked me dry and still continues to do so. it made my mental health so much worse on every level#but im still here and thats what matters in the end right ❤️#from the good things - after long unfortunate and very stressful job hunting i finally got a stable job 🥰 and i continue my uni so far#that's why i was absent here most of the time. i decided to focus on my life and on trying to change something and to fight a little more#after jin's enlistment announcement... it was a wake up call for me#and maybe soon i will be back on track but im taking things slow. especially that its not easy for me at all#but i just wanted you to know that theres been a lot happening here so ❤️ im not just getting bored of tumblr and bts haha#i never stopped following the fandom i never turned off my notifications from media i never stopped looking up what they're up to each day#i just didnt have time and motivation to be active. because of my health i wanted to be quiet and away from eveyone and everything :/#even from my comfort people and activities#that sounds sad but. it's alright so please don't worry about me ❤️ I'm holding on just fine. got used to some things ❤️ trying to heal#so yeah i think thats that haha i think its enough and all basically#it may seem like very little but my life has always been very slow when it comes to big actions haha#anyway. love you all so much ❤️ thank you for not forgetting about me ❤️#soon i will try to answer some mesdages from my inbox. please wait for me just a little bit more ❤️ im very overworked right now#but im so sorry that you have to wait so long ❤️
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hauntedtotem · 7 months ago
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I think the biggest red flag for me regarding the hopelesspeaches and lio convoy stuff, their entire group (especially lio) has near identical speech patterns and dynamics as my mom's online friend group. Which is less of a red flag and more of a raging wildfire tbh
#I listened to all the calls when they 'leaked' but I didn't know they were leaks I thought lio posted that stuff proudly#I didn't know that they weren't meant to be seen by the public until just now lol#Anyways I'm pleasantly surprised people are talking about how fucked up they were#Bc tbh when I was like 'oh this makes peaches (and everyone else) look like a bitch kinda' the first time I heard the calls-#I thought I was maybe being too judgey or sensitive or something?#But now everyone else is like 'yeah they are all being bitches actually' im like. Oh! So I understood right and wasn't just overreacting#Mostly bc lio was ranting about being a conservative Christian and weird 'nuclear family values' on one call and my immediate thought was#'oh gross Im too biased against this man to be able to look at this-#-discussion objectively. I'm gonna think he sucks regardless of the situation and therefore idk lf im a fair judge ?'#So it's cool to get confirmation from other ppl saying 'oh no ur right he sucks and here's why'#this is the 2nd time this week I got 'no youre not just overreacting. Other ppl are upset too' validation abt a topic. cool#//shade#I'm sure there's plenty of found family groups online that are great but so many of the ones i hear abt feel like a cult imo#My mom is in a group where this dude calls her and other women there his daughters like lio does to peaches and it feels gross to me idk#Ik everyone craves found family connections but. Idkk it feels weird to be taking that in a literal sense and calling them dad/my daughter#Feels like introducing unnecessary power dynamics.#Theres a difference between 'oh this person is like family to me because we're so close'#vs 'oh i am adopting this person and assuming a parental position over them'. that sounds unhealthy I think ?#Edit I just found out lio posted a response but it's midnight and I have a date tomorrow I'm not watching that rn lol#imo both him and peaches are bad and idc if one is worse than the other or whatever.#Peaches has been two faced for a while; lio might've taken advantage of her bc he's kinda creepy. They're both saying the other abused them#This is like jade and julian talking shit about each other to me. Idc guys I hate both of u srry <3#Iykyk
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cuntstable · 1 year ago
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i wish i could write meaningful poetry or even do comics properly to express ideas and things in my brain that haunt me a bit but i cant so im just left sitting on my bed staring at a wall and going Huh. Okay.
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